A Father Thought
When I was young, my father ran out on me & my mom (great way to start a blog huh.). I still don’t know why & I still never met nor have I ever talked to John Marcus Zalewski. It was pretty weird being a kid from ages 7 to 15 & not having a dad. Seeing my friends with there’s, being good or bad, they still had there’s.
I was watching an episode of Criminal Minds recently & this boy’s father died. The boy had to be around 12 or 13. That got me to thinking: is it worse to have your dad just up & leave or is it worse to have a dad & have him die while you’re young & enjoying time with him?
Now, this question is probably gonna get a lot of different answers, but as I sit & think, maybe it’s good my dad ran out. I mean I had my mom. I had people around me who taught me how to be a man. Why have a drug addict around to fuck it all up?
I sometimes think about the day my grandparents died & how hard & how miserable it was on me. I ponder about when my mom dies how it’s gonna probably be the worse day in my life. With out my dad around, that’s just one less hurtful event in my life.
I see people around everyday lose someone close to them. I see there hurt. I see there pain. I also see how strong they are. But when I was a kid, death was never around. When my grandparents passed, I was 16 so death was a realization to me already. I understood & got the fact that we all die.
As a kid, you don’t think death exists. Hell, you don’t even think about death. So to have someone like a mom or dad die when you’re young, is probably a turning point in a kids life. Granted, this doesn’t give them the right to grow up as serial killers or criminals, but it gives them a right to build a shell or a shield from the world.
So to answer my own question, I’m happy my dad wasn’t around. Sure it would’ve been great to have him, but maybe it was meant to be this way. Maybe someone out there knew I couldn’t handle something like that.
And to anyone who has lost a loved one, may they rest in peace & may you live in peace.
